Connections
Developing Connections
There is something magical about connecting with others. No one can truly thrive in isolation. The magic unfolds when we connect meaningfully with others, and something special happens. We feel less isolated and more integrated into a larger whole and a part of something greater. This changes the human condition, gives meaning to life, and motivates us to want more of what matters most: connection and love.
The need for social interaction is baked into our DNA. It is how we regulate ourselves, arguably a biological necessity as vital as food and shelter. Historically, we learned to work together to build social structures. To be banned from society was almost certainly a death sentence. However, connections extend beyond social structures, family, interpersonal relationships, and safety; we also need healthy connections to ourselves, our community, our planet, and the powers that created this world we enjoy.
This section explores the importance of connections and the skills that help you build and maintain solid connections. Connections are where we go when we need help, support, reassurance, or strength to overcome difficult times. Connections are essential for our survival. They help us maintain balance and play a crucial role in our ability to achieve equilibrium or maintain homeostasis, which helps with rest, repair, and restoration. When you build meaningful connections, your support system will be there for you, and when others need your help, you are there for them. This is not to say that we do not need solitude or to learn to be with ourselves and, at times, to be content without external support, but even so, our connections are still there. This is also not to say that all connections are always beneficial; there are times when we need to look critically at troubled connections to determine if we need to let go. This section will help you become more aware of these needs and help you build a strong support network if you don’t already have one.
Priorities play a significant role in life and in developing strong connections. As we progress through life, we make decisions that shape brain development. Over time, our decisions shape how our brain functions, and we gradually develop an operating system whether we realize this or not. This operating system is highly individualized and very personal. Other people and institutions influence us, but ultimately, our choices shape our system, values, and lives. We can modify our operating system throughout life by updating the reward value of various behaviors. Recognizing that we exist in a complex system of greater and higher power helps us constantly fine-tune our operating system. There is beauty and wisdom in nature that is far beyond our grasp. We cannot exist outside or separate from these systems; we are part of this collective, and the collective is a part of us.
We have organized this section according to the following priorities or relationships (connections):
Spirituality
Self
Partner or Spouse
Children and Family
Friends
Work and Co-Workers (coming soon)
Community (coming soon)
Environment (coming soon)
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Once upon a time, a wise man was careful and cautious, but he did not feel complete. So, he went to visit a man who was complete and asked, “What must I do to be complete?” The complete man asked, “What do you want most?” The wise man thought for a moment and said, “I want peace.” The complete man said, “To have peace, you must give up fear.” The wise man said, “But if I give up fear, I might not be cautious; I might lose everything.” The complete man said, “You can give up fear and still be safe, but to do this, you must control your imagination, which causes unnecessary fear.” So, the wise man went away and learned to control his Imagination, and he could live without fear and be safe and at peace, but he still did not feel complete.
So, he returned to the complete man and asked again, “What must I do to be complete?” The complete man asked again, “What do you want most?” The wise man said, “When I learned to control my fear and imagination, I found peace, but I still need something else.” The complete man asked then, “What do you want even more than peace?” The wise man thought and said, “I really want love.” The complete man said. “To get love, you need connection.” So, the wise man went out and discovered connections, and he was complete.
We all need to be safe; this is how we survive. Fear helps keep us safe. But when fear becomes too strong, it isolates us from others and destroys peace. Imagination allows us to solve problems like creating homes, tools, and places to work. But when Imagination becomes too strong, we want more and often imagine things that are not true. When Fear and Imagination grow up and start working together, we learn not to want more, to feel safe, and to be at peace, but….. we still need connection.
May you be at Peace
May you be Happy
May you be Free from Suffering
May you be Connected text goes here
Partner or Spouse
Focusing so much on ourselves sounds selfish, and being selfish in a relationship is not good. That is correct, but the principle to take away from focusing on oneself is learning to love oneself. The purpose of this is to be able to love others. A significant other in a relationship should feel like one’s better half. If things consist of the two of you against each other instead of both of you versus the world, then some issue has begun or persisted. The good news is that these issues can be resolved if you are willing to do the work.
A significant purpose in learning to love oneself is knowing that you deserve to be loved by another. Whatever you think you deserve is how you will likely treat others. So, within a relationship, you need first to learn what you are deserving of; this will then translate into the relationship.
Selflessness is necessary to maintain a good relationship, but this must come from both parties. Let’s use this analogy: imagine you and your partner are half-full glasses of water. If one partner pores themselves into the other, one will be empty. That is why the full partner needs to give back to the empty so no one remains empty.
A relationship is about being a team, having each other’s back, and always trying to help each other. Doing this will help us become a better person to people outside of the relationship and further strengthen the relationship. Click on the Partner or Spouse section to dive deeper into developing a healthy relationship.
General Parenting Practices
Parenting is one of the most gratifying experiences a person can have. But, let’s face it—parenting is also challenging. Parents are teachers, and it’s essential to be flexible with your teaching because not every child learns the same way. So, when it comes to choosing the right tools for parenting, it is essential to find the best approach for your specific situation.
Every interaction with your child is a teaching interaction. Your child is always learning something—hopefully, the skills you want them to know. We understand how difficult, frustrating, and confusing it can be as a parent trying to figure out what to do for our children. What parenting techniques should we use? If we should use them, how should we use them, and when should we use them? The approach you take will impact your kids in the long run. For example, research shows that children of parents who take charge and set effective boundaries have children who are likely to become self-reliant, independent, academically successful, socially accepted, and well-behaved adults.
So, it is essential to take control and enforce rules but not to be overly controlling. Life is always about balance.
Two of the most essential components of parenting are modeling the behavior you want and consistency. Kids will do as we do, not as we say, so make sure you are modeling the behaviors you want to see in your children. At the same time, consistency is fundamental to any parenting approach. This allows kids to anticipate your reactions so they can make adjustments and have some level of control. Getting everyone on board with the plan is essential, or at least the people involved in raising your children (grandparents, babysitters, teachers, and siblings).
It is also critical to stay calm and practice mindful living, which means stopping, taking a breath, refocusing on the plan, and repeating. This is important because you are trying to manage your child's behavior (which does not always go according to plan) and developing and maintaining a good relationship. Sometimes, you have to choose which is more important, the relationship or the behavior you want your child to grow. Many parents make the mistake of prioritizing behavior over relationships, which usually does not work because the quality of the relationship plays a huge role in how much effort the child is willing to put forth. A harsh disciplinarian might get compliance at the expense of the relationship, but is this the best approach?
