Connections
Developing Connections
There is something magical about connecting with other beings. “There is no such thing as a happy hermit.” This is a common tenet in the happiness literature. When we connect meaningfully with other beings, the magic begins to unfold, and something special happens. Changes happen within ourselves and between one another. We feel less isolated or alone and a part of something greater. This changes the human condition, gives meaning to life, and motivates us to want more of what matters most: connection or love.
The need for social interaction is baked into our DNA. It is how we regulate ourselves, arguably a biological necessity as vital as food and shelter. Historically, we learned to work together to build social structures. To be banned from society was almost certainly a death sentence. However, connections extend beyond social structures, family, interpersonal relationships, and safety; we also need healthy connections to ourselves, our community, our planet, and the powers that created this world we enjoy.
This section and throughout this website explore the importance of connections and the skills that help you build solid connections. Connections are where we go when we need help, support, reassurance, or strength to overcome difficult times. Connections are essential for our survival. They help us maintain balance and play a crucial role in our ability to achieve equilibrium or maintain homeostasis, which helps with rest, repair, and restoration. When you do the work to build meaningful connections, your support system will be there for you, and when others need your help, you are there for them. This is not to say that we do not need solitude or to learn to be with ourselves and, at times, to be content without external support; our connections are still there. This is also not to say that all connections are always beneficial; there are times when we need to look critically at troubled connections to determine if they are helpful. This section will help you become more aware of these needs and help you build a strong support network if you don’t have one.
Priorities play a significant role in life and in developing strong connections. As we progress through life, we make decisions that shape brain development. Over time, our decisions shape how our brain functions, and we gradually develop an operating system whether we realize this or not. This operating system is highly individualized and very personal. Other people and institutions influence us, but ultimately, the choices we make shape our system, our values, and our lives. We can modify our operating system if we choose to make changes. Recognizing that we exist in a complex system of greater and higher power helps us work out an effective operating system. There is beauty and wisdom in nature that is far beyond our grasp. We cannot exist outside or separate from these systems; we are part of this collective, and the collective is a part of us.
We have organized this section according to the following priorities or relationships (connections):
Spirituality
Self
Partner or Spouse
Children and Family
Friends
Work and Co-Workers (coming soon)
Community (coming soon)
Environment (coming soon)
-
Once upon a time, a wise man was careful and cautious, but he did not feel complete. So, he went to visit a man who was complete and asked, “What must I do to be complete?” The complete man asked, “What do you want most?” The wise man thought for a moment and said, “I want peace.” The complete man said, “To have peace, you must give up fear.” The wise man said, “But if I give up fear, I might not be cautious; I might lose everything.” The complete man said, “You can give up fear and still be safe, but to do this, you must control your imagination, which causes unnecessary fear.” So, the wise man went away and learned to control his Imagination, and he could live without fear and be safe and at peace, but he still did not feel complete.
So, he returned to the complete man and asked again, “What must I do to be complete?” The complete man asked again, “What do you want most?” The wise man said, “When I learned to control my fear and imagination, I found peace, but I still need something else.” The complete man asked then, “What do you want even more than peace?” The wise man thought and said, “I really want love.” The complete man said. “To get love, you need connection.” So, the wise man went out and discovered connections, and he was complete.
We all need to be safe; this is how we survive. Fear helps keep us safe. But when fear becomes too strong, it isolates us from others and destroys peace. Imagination allows us to solve problems like creating homes, tools, and places to work. But when Imagination becomes too strong, we want more and often imagine things that are not true. When Fear and Imagination grow up and start working together, we learn not to want more, to feel safe, and to be at peace, but….. we still need connection.
May you be at Peace
May you be Happy
May you be Free from Suffering
May you be Connected text goes here
Spirituality and Purpose to Life
When it comes to the discussion of mental health, the conversation of spirituality must be discussed to some degree. The purpose of this conversation is not to drive any individual to the arms of a higher power, but instead, the intent is to produce a thought that there might be something bigger out there than oneself. The aspect of spirituality is broader than the idea of there being a higher power. It is a broad concept that includes personal connection, exploration, and questions about the non-physical aspects of existence. It is the realization that a bigger picture is seen due to something grander than an individual self. The purpose of seeing this bigger picture is to instill a sense of hope and a determination to persevere in the face of life’s challenges.
Human nature seeks to find purpose and meaning in life, and it is through finding purpose that one usually finds satisfaction. Like spirituality, finding a purpose is finding a good foundation for life. It is not possible or necessary to fully comprehend these greater powers to allow yourself to believe. Meaning and direction are more likely to be found in exploring the nature of higher powers rather than the individual self. This intensely personal and subjective aspect of human existence involves examining values, ethics, morality, and the search for peace and harmony. Otherwise, we are only listening to the sound of our voice.
One does not need to feel limited in finding a God or gods to serve. While it has been found that following a religious practice is linked to higher satisfaction in life, people do not need to feel this is the only answer. Other things can give a person stability and direction in life. Spirituality can be expressed through various beliefs, practices, and experiences, such as mindfulness, contemplation, or a deep personal connection with nature.
It is typically through the act of selflessness that one can find true meaning in life. This then changes the perspective in one’s mind to realize that the contribution of something bigger can help give direction or purpose. It is essential to state that in this conversation about purpose and meaning, it is not necessary to construct one’s whole career around this purpose. Purpose in life does not have to be your occupation; it can be found in how you spend your free time.
It is not through selfish, tangible pleasures that we find happiness or meaning in life. Happiness is a byproduct of true meaning in life. For example, one should not make model trains to make themselves happy; instead, one should let the creation of model trains satisfy them. If one seeks something to make them happy, they might not find it. Instead, they should let the action produce the emotion.
The Headway Project encourages everybody to find something that gives individuals a meaning to wake up in the morning. We encourage individuals struggling to find this purpose to reach out and form a connection with someone who can help.
Loving Yourself
Priorities vary regarding self, family, God, and country, not to mention money, power, fame, independence, etc. So, where do you put yourself in your continuum of priorities? What is most important to you? We have argued that it is through selflessness that one can find meaning and purpose. But if your priority is spiritual, your connection with God, the universe, or whatever you conceive these powers to be, then it stands to reason that you should not prioritize anything or anyone above yourself. Self then becomes the second most important priority in life. Why? Because that thing or person that you put above yourself would then be placed between you and the higher power you are trying to follow. Valuing another thing or person above yourself could contaminate your connection with God and throw you out of synchrony with the creation. According to this logic, you might love someone as much as you love yourself and do for them as much as for yourself, but does it work to love people or things more than yourself or to expect others to love you more than them? This is a challenging question, and we are interested in alternative opinions.
This is not to suggest that you put yourself ahead of your children or anyone needing your help; this goes back to selflessness and understanding your role in the greater scheme of things. God is love. Being a loving parent, son, or daughter is being your best self, living responsibly, and being connected to a higher power. Loving yourself allows you to love others; sometimes, their needs are greater than yours; this is your choice. We are also not talking about narcissism, which feeds the ego; love for self that recognizes higher authority reduces the need for ego and leads to selflessness.
Most would agree that working out a meaningful relationship with the powers of the universe is crucial, whatever you conceive this to mean. If you accept God as your priority and work out a good connection, you can grow to believe God or the universe loves you. Imagine how this might feel. This allows you to love yourself — understand that you are not alone, and know that life is not all about you. This will enable you to accept your limitations, come under this authority, and strive to live in congruence with the laws of nature and in harmony with the creation — a place where spirit can grow. Working out a strong connection and belief about God and the nature of the universe helps you achieve this life of meaning and purpose. This connection may be the foundation of a well-defined operating system. Again, these are important yet challenging questions that impact mental and physical health.
The TEACH Model will help you learn to self-regulate and control your Thoughts, Emotions, and Attention, which will help you love yourself, form meaningful Connections with others, and live a healthy life. Your spiritual or religious Connections are between you and God. The mind, body, and spirit connect to establish a healthy operating system. Loving yourself might be the second most important priority, but we also argue in favor of questioning and examining all thoughts, so let us hear from you.
Partner or Spouse
Focusing so much on ourselves sounds selfish, and being selfish in a relationship is not good. That is correct, but the principle to take away from focusing on oneself is learning to love oneself. The purpose of this is to be able to love others. A significant other in a relationship should feel like one’s better half. If things consist of the two of you against each other instead of both of you versus the world, then some issue has begun or persisted. The good news is that these issues can be resolved if you are willing to do the work.
A significant purpose in learning to love oneself is knowing that you deserve to be loved by another. Whatever you think you deserve is how you will likely treat others. So, within a relationship, you need first to learn what you are deserving of; this will then translate into the relationship.
A level of selflessness is necessary to maintain a good relationship, but this must come from both parties. Let’s use this analogy: imagine you and your partner are half-full glasses of water. If one partner pores themselves into the other, one will be empty. That is why the full partner needs to give back to the empty so no one remains empty.
A relationship is about being a team, having each other’s back, and always trying to help each other. Doing this will help us become a better person to people outside of the relationship and further strengthen the relationship. Click on the Partner or Spouse section to dive deeper into developing a healthy relationship.
General Parenting Practices
Parenting is one of the most gratifying experiences a person can have. But, let’s face it—parenting is also challenging. Parents are teachers, and it’s essential to be flexible with your teaching because not every child learns the same way. So, when it comes to choosing the right tools for parenting, it is essential to find the best approach for your specific situation.
Every interaction with your child is a teaching interaction. Your child is always learning something—hopefully, the skills you want them to know. We understand how difficult, frustrating, and confusing it can be as a parent trying to figure out what to do for our children. What parenting techniques should we use? If we should use them, how should we use them, and when should we use them? The approach you take will impact your kids in the long run. For example, research shows that children of parents who take charge and set effective boundaries have children who are likely to become self-reliant, independent, academically successful, socially accepted, and well-behaved adults.
So, it is essential to take control and enforce rules but not to be overly controlling. Life is always about balance.
Two of the most essential components of parenting are modeling the behavior you want and consistency. Kids will do as we do, not as we say, so make sure you are modeling the behaviors you want to see in your children. At the same time, consistency is fundamental to any parenting approach. This allows kids to anticipate your reactions so they can make adjustments and have some level of control. Getting everyone on board with the plan is essential, or at least the people involved in raising your children (grandparents, babysitters, teachers, and siblings).
It is also critical to stay calm and practice mindful living, which means stopping, taking a breath, refocusing on the plan, and repeating. This is important because you are trying to manage your child's behavior (which does not always go according to plan) and developing and maintaining a good relationship. Sometimes, you have to choose which is more important, the relationship or the behavior you want your child to grow. Many parents make the mistake of prioritizing behavior over relationships, which usually does not work because the quality of the relationship plays a huge role in how much effort the child is willing to put forth. A harsh disciplinarian might get compliance at the expense of the relationship, but is this the best approach?
