Parenting
Intro to Parenting:
As a parent, you want the best for your child. So, finding the tools that work for your child and your situation is essential. Success depends on finding techniques that fit your situation and your child’s personality. This may require experimenting with different ideas, giving strategies a fair trial, and trying different approaches.
Try to create an environment that supports the behaviors you want to see more often and those that will be most helpful to your child in the future. This may require taking a serious look at some of your issues. You cannot teach what you don’t know or give what you don’t have, and you cannot expect more from a child than the adult caregivers are willing to give. The TEACH Program can help you develop skills in multiple areas, and hopefully, you can pass these along to your children.
Parenting is a crucially important job, and knowing that can be overwhelming. Every parent is a first-time parent, and will be learning as they go. A gift we can give our children is to be kind and forgive ourselves when we fall short, learn from our mistakes, and work to improve.
In this parenting section, we’ll discuss some of the top parenting techniques, explain each one briefly, and provide resources for learning more.
Organization of Parenting Section:
Best Parenting Practices: (Relationships, Discipline, Thoughts, Nature)
Parenting Young Adults
General Parenting Practices
Variables That Affect Outcome
Other Helpful Parenting Techniques
More Helpful Videos about Parenting
Parent Handouts
Best Parenting Practices:
All parents want their kids to love and respect them, but we all need boundaries to be safe and thrive. This is the balancing act of parenting.
How to give kids the feedback they need to thrive while maintaining a loving relationship.
If you hate feeling that your child is upset with you, you might err on the side of the relationship, giving them love and connection at the expense of discipline. Children need structure, rules, and guidance as much as a friend. Connecting before you correct is a great approach, but don’t be afraid to say no or provide the discipline they need. Discipline originates in the external world, and healthy, age-appropriate boundaries help kids build internal boundaries. If they get upset, disagree, or see things differently, you can discuss issues with them, but don’t be afraid to decide. The other side of this coin is to be too controlling, in which case the child becomes overly internalized, fearful and may develop issues with authority. A child who is afraid to say no may grow up and be unable to stand up for themselves, on the other hand a child who gets by with controlling and selfish behavior may be controlling and take advantge of others in adult life. Finding a healthy balance is not easy or simple.
Parenting practices that always seem to hold true:
1. Spend quality time with your children daily. This can be tricky because they can be noisy, messy, and uncompromising. This is also exhausting and requires your full attention, but it is the foundation of your relationship. At least twenty minutes a day is recommended, but give them as much as possible and try to be there in mind, body, and spirit. This is not a time to multitask, kids need your full attention. Quality time is much more important than a lot of time passively watching as the child plays games or entertains themselves.
2. Keep an open mind about what might be happening in your child’s life. Try not to judge or assume motives. Instead, try to create an atmosphere of safety where you can talk with your child when they are having problems. You are trying to manage your child’s behavior, but it’s important to remember you are also trying to influence the narrative developing inside the child’s mind. Is the world friendly or unfriendly? What do others think of me? What do I think about me? What are parents, teachers, and caregivers like? What happens when I experiment or become creative? These questions are answered when parents and caregivers respond to a child’s behavior. What a child is thinking is just as important as what they are doing. The words you use will eventually become their inner voice.
3. Stay calm, and always keep your cool, especially if your child is having a problem keeping cool. Keep your stress level under control and never discipline when angry. Be willing to listen, and find ways to create a safe environment so your child always feels safe. It is natural for them to disagree. That is how they develop confidence, self-assurance, and emotional intelligence.
4. Positives always work better than negatives. The recommended ratio is 3 or 4 positives to every negative interaction. You will not be able to avoid punishment, but try to teach the behaviors your child needs through positive reinforcement; this works much better than any form of punishment.
A common phrase in the positive parenting literature is to “Catch children being good.” This refers to the art of noticing and reinforcing small positive behaviors. Small steps in a positive direction lead to powerful changes over time due to compounding. Celebrate small accomplishments, and your child will likely continue on this path.
5. Model the behavior you want to see in your child. Be the person you want your child to be. Letting them know who you are and how you feel, in a loving way can go a long way toward helping them learn to express their feelings. Remember, your words become their inner voice.
A related tip is to be human, don’t pretend to be an expert or to be perfect. It is okay to acknowledge your humanity and say when you are wrong or to admit mistakes. This will help your child accept and care for themselves when they make mistakes. This is the beginning of a growth mindset.
6. Never argue with a child. This is always an invitation to a power struggle (not wanting to eat a particular food or do what you ask, refusing a chore, ignoring you). This is where “act don’t yack” comes in. Use a backup consequence, temporarily lose privileges, cut off a device, give a count of 5, use stop and think procedure, try breathing, regrouping, and self-calming techniques.
7. Don’t let the children get caught in the middle when mommy and daddy are fighting. Disagreements are normal, but if they get serious, keep the adult issues at thee adult level. Let kids be kids; do not expect them to be little adults. Remember what it was like for you when you were young.
8. Make sure your needs are met. Parents must take care of themselves if they want to teach children to care for themselves. You cannot teach what you do not know or give what you do not have; kids will figure this out much quicker than you think.
9. Share your ideas with others and learn as you go. When you discover that you do not have all the answers, open yourself up to learning new skills. Other parents are also in the process of trying to learn and may need your help.
Helping Children Manage Their Behavior
Richard Dismukes, LPC
Let’s begin with the obvious: Controlling our desires and wants is difficult, especially in childhood. This is normal and, in many ways, a good thing; it is natural to want things we do not have, and going after what we want helps us build a better future. However, we must learn to regulate our wants and desires to function within society. This is complicated because, the control or “executive” areas of the brain, which help us achieve this balance, mature well after the more basic desire or pleasure circuits come online. This means that children will need our help in learning to control their wants and desires.
To dig a little deeper, developing control over our behavior is heavily influenced by biology. We have all heard about dopamine, a powerful chemical messenger that helps neurons connect and form circuits or patterns of connections. As our brain grows, neurons (brain cells) develop various specialties, and connections between neurons are established and groomed. Our environment and the timing of the events that occur in life alter these connections and influence our personality. Networks are collections of neurons that consistently fire together. Dopamine plays a major role in activating and strengthening these connections and consequently has a huge impact on child development and learning. We all develop and respond differently to our biology, so there is a lot of variance from person to person in how control skills and desire skills come online.
In The Molecule of More, Daniel Lieberman and Michael Long describe the role of dopamine in human development. They explain how this single molecule drives creativity, desire, foraging, and scavenging to obtain things we do not have and, at the same time, drives logic, reason, and self-control. This knowledge shapes our approach to parenting.
There are two primary or intrinsic dopamine circuits, one related to desire and another to control. The desired circuit is about getting things we want; it develops naturally and varies greatly from person to person. Both circuits are associated with long-term survival and foraging for a better future and both networks are essential for growth and development. For children, the desire network might include wanting treats, toys, and attention or wanting to go places and do things you want or haven't done before, for example, the four-year-old who pitches a fit because he desperately wants to go to the bathroom by himself. This behavior might look like selfishness, wanting what he wants, or even irrational behavior, but such behavior is a natural and very important chapter in child development.
The control circuit is associated with self-discipline, logic, and reason. This circuit develops slower and less naturally. These skills must be learned over time through interactions between the child and the environment. The control circuits oppose the want or desire circuits, which must be balanced for healthy development. Helping children develop self-control and understand the long-term consequences of actions helps to strengthen the control circuit. Kids (or adults) can't control their desires when the desired circuit overpowers the control circuit. Too much dopamine travels along the desire pathway, inhibiting the level of dopamine in the control pathway. The following graphic illustrates how these pathways develop as the brain matures.
Graphic: Dopamine Pathways
The Desire Within, A Five-Session Video Series: Session 1
The Desire Within: Session 2
The Desire Within: Session 3
This leads us to ask: How can we help children develop or strengthen the control pathway?
Children aren’t born with control skills—they are born with the potential to develop them.
The skills associated with the control circuit are called “Executive” skills. They include skills like attention, planning, organizing, time management, flexibility, perseverance, metacognitive skills, and social/emotional intelligence. These skills are of major importance, and they develop and become fine-tuned over many years. Most children develop these according to typical or “normal” development, but many children are delayed, and some of these skills come online later. Each skill set has its own trajectory, so there is a lot of variability from person to person. When kids have developmental delays, environmental problems, or multiple problem areas, they may be unable to keep up.
Thr Desire Within Session 4
Rewards or consequences will not automatically strengthen the control circuit. Consequences are helpful; they teach children about boundaries, which will keep them safe, and consequences might also increase motivation for more control, but strengthening the control circuit takes more than appropriate consequences for behaviors. Rewards strengthen healthy behaviors, but developing control skills requires spending time with children and teaching them how to self-regulate. This is accomplished partially by instruction and guidance, but most importantly by modeling the skills you want your child to develop. It is critically important that parents work on their ability to control their desires and wants and demonstrate control at the adult level. When children have a close bond with their parents and observe these behaviors in their parents, they will follow the lead.
Some children will need more support than others. The control circuits develop differently from child to child and are not fully developed physically until the mid-20s (but this varies greatly). The skills associated with developing these pathways continue to strengthen throughout life, and some people never develop a healthy balance between control and desire. It is important to be patient with children because the desire or pleasure circuits come online much earlier than the executive skills (the brain develops from the bottom up). They also develop naturally, whereas executive skills are learned through experience.
The Desire Within: Session 5
“Executive” skills”, include attention, planning, organizing, time management, flexibility, perseverance, metacognitive skills, and social/emotional intelligence. These skills are of major importance, and they develop and become fine-tuned over many years. Most children develop these according to typical or “normal” development, but many children are delayed, and some of these skills come online later. Each skill set has its own trajectory, so there is a lot of variability from person to person. When kids have developmental delays, environmental problems, or multiple problem areas, they may be unable to keep up academically, socially, or emotionally. Children need these skills to be broken down into sub-skills and taught so they can develop them sooner rather than later because they play such an important role in future success and well-being.
Academic skills like reading, writing, and arithmetic help to establish control circuits because of the many sub-skills involved. Self-help and self-care skills are very important. Athletic activities help with balance, coordination, team play, and self-discipline. Strategies that improve attention also strengthen control circuits. Developing control skills helps to establish a healthy balance between the control and desired circuits. Remember, kids naturally get caught up in desires and wants, but until they develop control skills, they may be difficult to manage. Rather than blaming the child for not controlling their desires, parents should look at themselves and how well they demonstrate and teach these skills.
Breaking these executive skills into component behaviors helps identify specific skill sets parents can strengthen. So, let’s take a closer look at what executive skills might look like in childhood.
Building Executive Skills
Attention:
·Slow down when you are going too fast. (self control)
Stop and think about what lies ahead rather than reacting impulsively.
Listen and sustain attention.
Sustaining independent work.
Organization
Cleaning up and putting things away and in their place
Keeping toys and possessions organized
Take care of your things
Planning
Painting, drawing, writing, coloring or creative arts all involve planning
Thinking ahead about needed materials, timing sequencing, finalizing and display
Making list to help remember things to get or do
Time Management
Getting up and dressed on time
Stopping games when requested, time limit on screen activities
Getting to bed on time
Waking up on time
Waiting for your turn
Flexibility:
Playing cooperatively/sharing with others
Accept your flaws
Apologize when mistaken
Being a good sport when you lose a game or a thing
Perseverance:
Finishing what you start
Doing things alone on your own or without assistance
Not giving up – developing a growth mindset
Ability to delay gratification
Saving for future
Taking care of pets, flowers, or plants
Metacognitive Skills
Thinking about what you are saying or doing
Telling the truth (awareness of dishonesty)
Awareness/noticing/expressing your emotions
Awareness, noticing, thinking about or helping others
Social Emotional Intelligence
Manage emotions and stress
Calm down, breathe check yourself when upset
Empathize with others.
Kindness/helping others
Sharing your things with others
Helping someone out
Executive skills can be strengthened by simple things like playing games that involve waiting your turn, putting puzzles together, saying a prayer before a meal (pausing or waiting until it is time to eat), or doing small things for someone else.
Parents can consciously introduce and reinforce behaviors that help children establish more self-control. Give them limited control opportunities, such as allowing them to choose between two acceptable options. Explain to children the possible consequences of behaviors (without condemning them), review the pros and cons of different choices, give them jobs and responsibilities, and let them make limited choices.
Parents can create opportunities to learn/demonstrate skills like thinking before they react, spending time alone, letting them figure things out rather than always having someone help them, being content at home rather than on the go, and helping them pause, slow down, reflect, and collect themselves. Once these behaviors are prompted, social praise and reinforcement will strengthen these skills, but we can’t expect kids to figure out which behaviors are important. This must come from parents who demonstrate these behaviors and provide frequent and well-thought-out prompts.
It is hard to keep yourself under control when the kids are being difficult and unwilling to listen. But when kids are oppositional and screaming at you, parents need to demonstrate calmness. This is when your desire for things not to be this way can cause you to lose control over your behavior. Demonstrating self-control is modeling the behavior you want your child to develop. Screaming back, threatening, or hitting a child is giving in to desire and will only strengthen desire behaviors.
General Parenting Practices
The way you approach parenting practices may affect your kids in the long run. For example, research shows that children of parents who take charge and set effective boundaries have children who are likely to become:
self-reliant
independent
academically successful
socially accepted
well behaved adults
So, it is important to take control and enforce rules but not to be overly controlling. Life is always about balance.
Two of the most important components of parenting are practicing what you preach and consistency. Kids will do as we do, not as we say, so make sure you are modeling the behaviors you want to see in your children. At the same time, consistency is fundamental to any parenting technique. So get everyone on board, or at least the people involved in raising your children (grandparents, babysitters, and most importantly, the dog).
A Quick Dip into Relationships
The relationship between a parent and their child is critical, as it will determine or undermine the effectiveness of any parenting strategy.
The quality of the relationship will determine how much the child will agree or listen to the parent, want to be with their parent or seek parental approval. This directly impacts compliance. Finding ways to teach appropriate behavior that does not damage or stress your relationship is more important than compliance. This is obviously much more challenging when the child is extremely difficult.
An Overview of Discipline
Consequences are a necessary part of living. Parents have a role in training and teaching their children to appreciate the rules and structure of the natural world. With this foundation, children are prepared to face a greater challenge – the challenge of self-discipline.
The role of the caregiver is to provide children with experience, opportunities, and examples of successful behavior.
So, the idea is to teach or lead in a way that will inspire the child to follow your teachings so that the child disciplines themselves according to the pathway illuminated by the parent.
What about punishment?
Many believe this is the best way to discipline, but punishment is only a small part of an effective plan. Although punishment may be required to teach some children, there are many disadvantages and extremely complicated negative side effects associated with punishment. For Example:
You cannot easily predict how a child will respond to punishment
Punishment will often escalate undesirable behavior
Punishment will contaminate or damage your relationship with a child
Punishment does not teach the skills the child needs or promote growth
A part of discipline is also allowing or creating consequences for a child’s behavior. Still, there is no simple answer, and caregivers must be like detectives, realizing that the story and the solution are different for every child.
Let Nature Be Your Guide:
Sometimes, nature does a lot of the work for you. While monitoring, you can let your child learn many things through natural interactions with the physical world or human nature. Run too fast, and you fall. You can’t have everything you want. Lying causes people not to trust you.
Nature is not unfair and doesn’t act out of anger or disappointment. It teaches that argument is a waste of time.
Select Procedures Which Create Growth: The Rule of Choices
It is difficult to discipline a child when parents are making rules up as they go. As a result, parents and society may end up teaching or imposing values on children that are far from the natural order and may not make sense to a child. Social consequences don’t always teach what we expect.
Parents who rely on this approach avoid punishment and rely on supervision. With this rule, nature can become your child’s principal teacher. The child is given choices, and the role of the parent is to arrange consequences. Parents can talk to their kids about the choices they made or are considering. This is so the child is not required to experience the more severe consequences experienced in the real world. This is not to suggest a hands-off approach that avoids punishment aaltogether but rather active guidance by arranging consequences consistent with natural laws.
As you explore more parenting tips, we encourage you to look for effective strategies and think about the big picture—try to realize it’s not always about getting or improving compliance. Sometimes, the best strategy is to focus on accepting things you or your child cannot control and helping them learn.
Helpful Parenting Techniques
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The term Gentle Parenting was created by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who specializes in the psychology and science of parenting and attachment theory. Ockwell-Smith is a mother of four children and has written thirteen parenting books. She received an Honors Degree in Psychology and specialized in child development. After five years of working in Pharmaceutical Research and Development and becoming a Mom, she changed career paths and retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, Hypnotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor, and Doula.
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Collaborative Problem Solving is an evidence-based method created from neurobiological research done by Dr. Ross Greene and Dr. Stuart Ablon. This parenting method teaches parents and children skills to resolve problems and strengthen relationships.
It helps to reduce challenging behaviors, increase compliance, and improve family relationships.
Collaborative Problem solving is based on the understanding that many children lack the skill, not the will to behave well. Particularly skills that are related to problem-solving, flexibility, and frustration tolerance. However, it avoids the use of power, control, and motivators.
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Mindful Parenting is the art of being well with whatever is going on in the moment. This contrasts with not being well or struggling to change things, or avoiding dealing with pain or discomfort. It is focusing your attention on what you are feeling in the moment and nonjudgmental awareness.
The goal for a mindful parent is to observe when you are not calm and centered and then bring yourself back to the center—to manage your own emotions and behaviors so that you can help your children do the same.
Before we start trying to teach our children how to cope with anger, stress, and difficult problems or situations, we need to be sure that we are able to cope with our own anger, stress, etc. We can do this by bringing our conscious attention to the present moment instead of letting our emotions control us.
When parents lose their cool, it can be really scary for a child. So, modeling our children healthy ways to deal with stress is of the utmost importance.
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Dr. Thomas W. Phelan’s book, "1-2-3 Magic: 3 Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting", was released in 1995 and continues to be a top parenting tool used today. Dr. Phelan’s program is the “world’s simplest discipline program for parents with kids aged two to twelve years old.” His program uses a counting system that helps set limits for kids using three steps.
The procedure is simple. When a child does something wrong, the parent counts “one,” letting the child know they are headed in the wrong direction. If the child stops, the parent thanks the child. If the behavior continues, the parent counts “two,” which signals the child that they will receive a brief time-out if they continue. If the behavior stops immediately, there is no consequence, but if the behavior continues, the parent immediately counts “three,” and the child must go to time out.
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“The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child” by Alan E. Kazdin, Ph.D., is packed with valuable information to add to your parenting toolbox. The Kazdin method provides us with a method for changing your child’s behavior based on what’s currently known about scientific studies. Here, there are no unsupported opinions about children or childhood.
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Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend state that a “boundary is a property line that defines where one person ends and someone else begins.” When we are aware of our own boundaries and the boundaries of others, we know what is expected of us and of others. Each person is responsible for their own feelings, behaviors, and attitudes. This is important because a child must know and understand the three following things to begin using boundaries.
Parenting Young Adults
Parenting a young adult is complex. The work starts the moment they enter high school. If you do these steps to prepare them and prepare yourself, it will help both of you as they transition to the next phase of their life. Once they are out of high school, they will either head onto secondary education or enter the workforce, hopefully. Either way, they will most likely need and want guidance from their parent(s). Understanding how to best parent at this stage will help your young adult transition to complete independence.
Preparing before they transition to Adulthood
Some Basic Skills They Will Need (Do Not Assume They Know):
plan their day ahead and plan well
use their alarm and have a backup, especially on important days
calming themselves especially when anxiety and stress occur (help develop their resiliency; more on this below)
interact with adults & teachers on their own and how to advocate for themselves
managing relationships (professional, friendships both platonic and romantic & how to stay safe)
clean a home (explain how often to do each task)
how to mail/ship items, set up a service for mail, and the importance of checking it regularly
wash their clothes and dishes
make a grocery list and how to navigate a grocery store well
cook their favorite foods and care for a stove, oven, grill, etc
care for meats and other foods and when to throw products out
how to balance daily food and liquid intake
develop a good exercise routine
use an iron safely and other household equipment (and know when it’s time to replace it)
learn general maintenance of the home and yearly checks such as plumbing (use of a plunger, fix for a running toilet, how to unclog drains, etc.)
choose businesses when you need different services (plumbers, HVAC, Internet, appliance repairs, etc)
use a map and navigation tools
gas their car and general maintenance of a car (check the oil level, add oil, air tires, change tires)
use Lift, Uber, and other transportation companies safely
get around safely in different environments (big cities, small towns, etc)
drive in different road systems and crossing bridges, etc. (if you are not able to take them to these places, try to find some pictures or videos of them and discuss the best ways to handle them)
balance a checkbook, make a change, save money, pay online, and why you need a credit score
find services they may need, like finding a doctor or dentist on their own or counseling
learn what to do if an item like their wallet, car, or anything becomes stolen
the dangers of drugs and alcohol (what each type is, their levels of strength, and understanding their body weight and the effects of that with each)
party/social drinking safety (Don’t leave a drink or food unattended)
take a self-defense course
the importance of locking doors (car, home, etc.) and managing keys
caring for a plant and a pet
teach them ways to not be wasteful with money and when there are times when it is okay or best to spend when it is needed (ex., If you are not feeling well and need to purchase a water or Gatorade, sometimes it’s best to purchase it at the closest location and not worry about finding where it is cheapest.)
go to games, concerts, etc, safely and smartly
navigate an airport, train station, bus station
prepare a medicine bag and how to handle sickness on their own and when to go to a doctor or ER (also, checking expiration dates)
teach them to understand what anxiety and depression look like and when it is time to seek help
teach them to understand what “the worst day” can look like, what is going on (hormones increasing the strength of the feeling instead of what you are truly feeling), and how to best make it through a day or period of time like that (and that a day like that happens to all of us at least once in our lives and usually a few times in our lifetime, but they almost always pass with time).
realize you will not be able to teach them everything, but by helping them learn a lot of these skills, they will also learn how to figure things out on their own, too
The Big Day
-The day your child moves away from home is an important day for both of you. Plan it well.
-Plan together what they will need
-Help them make smart purchases for their new place
-Have a plan for the move-out day (how to box everything, how to move things in, how and when to clean and bring things in, last-minute purchases, and closest stores)
-Once they have organized their place as best as possible, plan what you will say to them before you leave (having an idea for this a few days ahead will be helpful). They will hang onto your words, so choose them wisely. Be supportive and positive, and make sure they know they can always call you if they need anything or want to talk.
-Remind them to deal with problems as soon as they arise, not wait or procrastinate, and that you are always there to provide advice and support as needed.
-If they are moving a long distance away, possibly stay an extra night in a hotel so you are there in case any problems arise.
Once the Transition is Complete
Once you leave and they have moved, your role has now changed. You are now there for advice and emergencies, but they must be independent and try to do everything themselves. They will make mistakes, and it is our job to allow those to happen and not try to step in and save the day. Self-reliance is the way they will learn how to be fully independent. The faster you accept this and implement it, the quicker they learn and transition into trusting themselves. When you step in, you hold them back from their personal growth.
What to expect the first year
There are some usual stages your young adult will probably go through as they transition towards adulthood and independence. These are normal, so don’t be too worried (article on The W-Curve Model). It’s part of the process. Below are behaviors you should be concerned about and step in if you see occurring (article on Warning signs of depression).
The W-Curve Model
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/the-w-curve-theory
Warning signs of depression
Understanding what is within normal range and when there are warning signs your young adult may need help.
Resiliency
The best tool you can give your child is resiliency. If you can teach this before they leave your home, they will be well prepared to handle any obstacles that come their way. If they have not learned this by the time they leave your home, it will take longer to navigate any difficulties they encounter. We see this all the time now with college students and inside counseling offices that are overbooked. Why? They are struggling because they have not learned resiliency. Parents want to step in and fix everything so their child feels no pain, but that is actually just delaying their learning, developing a sense of dependence, and lowering their self-assurance.
Use this excellent article, “Five Science-Backed Strategies to Build Resilience” by Kira M. Newman, to help you create resiliency in your child or in yourself.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_science_backed_strategies_to_build_resilience
Another great article to check out is by Dr. Kevin Elko.
We are seeing the effects of this deficit now in the workplace as well. Young employees no longer manage criticism well, and the work environment is greatly affected. Employers must spend long hours handholding employees and focusing on them at the cost of the time and energy needed for the business and its customers. Employees lacking resiliency puts an unnecessary burden on leadership, and everyone’s quality of life is affected, and the business suffers. In turn, this affects all of us.
When we take time to teach children these important lessons, we set them up well to handle all of the daily experiences of life. The more they feel ready and self-assured, the more enjoyment they can find in their lives and the better our world works for all of us.
Variables that Influence Outcome
Many variables may be influencing your situation. Some of the more common variables that impact childhood behavior might include:
Number of children in the family
Birth order, age, and developmental status
Individual differences in learning or socializing
Differences in how children are wired biologically
The health of family members
Chemicals passed through to the child during pregnancy or from toxins in the environment
Early attachment issues
Personality conflicts
Parents not getting along/divorce
Death of a family member or close friend
Happiness and positivity within the family
Parents’ childhood experiences and family history
The child’s history—trauma, maltreatment, inappropriate discipline, or insensitive parenting
Status of parent’s communication and problem-solving skills
All of these variables and life events play a role in your child’s behavior. There is no one-size-fits-all or “best approach to parenting. Everyone’s situation is different. Many people are juggling between multiple caregivers, dealing with crowded schools, variable childcare arrangements, financial or housing hardships, or even exposure to traumatic events. All of these factors influence and take a toll on children and parents. Even without these hardships, our society is difficult for children with its frightening violence, over-stimulating and inappropriate media exposure, substance abuse epidemics, and overwhelmed or fragmented families. Try to be understanding when your child struggles.
Helpful Videos about Parenting
Video about Self Care Strategies for Parents
Book reading about why it is important to follow rules
Parent Handouts
