Strategies For Developing Helpful Thoughts
Strategies to Combat Difficult Thoughts
These strategies are positive mindsets or healthy patterns of thought that become easier with practice. They are relatively simple but not easy so some effort will be required. Practicing these strategies will actually change how your brain works.
As you begin this journey, it may feel like you are traveling down small country roads or even a narrow path that might initially feel a little awkward. You will become more comfortable with practice, the small lanes will develop into larger pathways in your brain. Take it one step at a time and let the information slowly sink in. Start slowly and take small steps that you think you can maintain.
That being said, go at your own pace! Only practice things that seem easy and fun and helpfully impact your life. Just deciding to look over strategies to help manage your thoughts will begin a process of change for you.
Three ways to look at change:
Look at the past and understand it.
Look at the present and change it.
Look at the future and imagine it.
This page includes 10 strategies to improve thoughts:
Additional Topics Include:
Strategy #1: Remind Yourself “Thoughts Are Just Thoughts”
Thoughts are essential, but when it comes down to it, that’s all they are: thoughts—they come and go like the weather. Don’t take them literally; they are ideas to hold in awareness, but you do not have to let them hijack you emotionally.
Practice: When you notice upsetting or suspicious thoughts or feel stress and strong emotions, take a full breath and repeat to yourself, “Thoughts are just thoughts.” Look at any thoughts that cause discomfort and see if you can identify any cognitive distortions or unhealthy belief systems that may have triggered a difficult emotion. Try not to pay attention to the negative narrative and instead just notice and let go. Let your thoughts be like a waterfall that you stand behind and notice without getting wet.
We Get To Choose How We Respond To Our Thoughts
Strategy #2: Distance Yourself from Negative Thoughts and Ruminations
One way to do this is to talk to yourself in the third person. It may seem silly, but try calling your own name and telling yourself to stop ruminating or worrying. Talk to yourself as if you are talking to a friend. This will help you create distance between yourself and your thoughts.
Practice: When you notice negative self-talk, talk to yourself about your thoughts to help you detach. So not only “Thoughts Are Just Thoughts,” but also “Thoughts Are Not Me,” and “This is not who I am, this is a story being told by (Your Name) but (he/she/they) is not always right. Tell (yourself) to stop.’ Narratives are just stories we tell, they are not who we are. We are much bigger than our thoughts.
Strategy #3: Lower Your Stress Level
It’s important to hold in awareness of where you are on the stress scale. In a perfect world, you might be calm and relaxed. But then something stressful happens. Below is a list of common and major life stressors that can cause you to become overly stressed or on the panic side of the stress scale.
Common Life Stressors: Major Life Stressors:
-A friend says something hurtful to you -Divorce
-You don’t get called back for a job interview -Losing your job
-You fail a test -A Loved one becomes ill or dies
-The refrigerator goes out -A Persistent worrying pain or illness
-You have a flat tire/your car won’t start. -Death of a colleague or loved one
-The kids are getting on your nerves -Experiencing a trauma
When these things happen, depending on their nature and intensity, we experience increased physiological arousal or stress. Under normal circumstances, stress is transient or slightly aversive; however, when major stressors occur or when stressful events build up over a period of time, you may experience, chronic stress. This can cause increased heart rate, tearing up, fluctuating body temperature, sweating or rashes, changes in breathing patterns, headaches, body aches, and more.
Stress reduction strategies like breathing, meditation, positive self-talk, body scans, relaxation, slowing down, time in nature, and mindfulness can help manage your stress. The Palouse Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction ( MBSR) course is a free online course designed to help you learn many strategies to manage stress (see Palouse Mindfulness below).
Learn to listen to your body and notice when you experience an elevated stress level. Let this be a prompt to practice stress-reduction strategies and work on skills to help you keep your stress level under control.
Strategy #4: Reduce “Time Travel”
We can go back in time and remember things that happened or travel in our minds into the future and imagine what might come about. This is a wonderful ability but it comes at a cost, and managing this ability and understanding its implications can be a real challenge. When engaged in “time travel,” a specific brain network is activated; it is called the Default Mode Network (DMN). When this network is activated we are much less happy.
Excessive activation of this network can contribute to negative internal language, particularly if you are remembering and focusing on past negative events. A good way to balance this is to shift your attention to the present and focus on a specific task. This activates a different brain network known as the Task Positive Network (TPN), a brain network that is active during attention-demanding tasks.
The task you are doing does not matter as much as that you keep your mind fully engaged in whatever you are doing. You might try cleaning a room, doing laundry, washing your pet, reading, watching TV, or playing a video game. Mental exercises like noticing things in the room or designing your dream house are other examples of shifting your attention to a task-positive network. This simple strategy has been shown to improve your mood.
Practice: Notice when you are thinking about the past or the future and try to shift and hold your focus on the present moment or on a positive task. Stay fully present in the moment as much as possible. Mindfulness is present-moment awareness.
Bring Your Mind Back
To Where You Are
Strategy #5: Notice How You Attend To Your Thoughts
Attention is a powerful skill that can be strengthened by meditation. Managing attention is deciding what to take into your brain and what to diminish or ignore. Focusing and holding your attention, for example, on an object of meditation will help you learn to hold your attention in a particular way, and when thoughts appear, just shift attention back to the object of your meditation. Each time you shift attention back to the object of your meditation, you strengthen the muscle of attention. This skill is not easy, but it can be developed with practice. You will find many helpful strategies throughout this website and we have an entire section devoted to skills related to strengthening your control of attention.
Disclaimer: There are times when you might need to face and deal with difficult thoughts through a restructuring process, but there are other times when you might want to shift attention to neutral or more positive thoughts to help you rest, complete a task, or distance yourself from a disturbing thought.
Practice: Notice when you are getting stuck and shift your attention to another viewpoint or even to physical objects that anchor your attention in reality.
Focus on Helpful Thoughts
Strategy #6: Overcome the Negativity Bias
To counteract the “Negativity Bias’ practice gratitude along with or as a component of taking in more goodness. This will activate positive circuits in the brain, which release endorphins and other positive hormones. These circuits become stronger with repetition and practice, and they help lower the overall stress levels in the body and lower the reactivity of your stress response.
Gratitude is an affirmation of goodness. Taking the time to stop and list one or two things that were good, or even neutral (and therefore not bad) about the day can bring so much positivity to the mind.
Practice: Take a sticky note and write down the word “Gratitude.” Place it on your bedroom door or bathroom mirror, and every time you see it, list one thing that deserves gratitude that day. It could be something as simple as having the energy to brush your teeth in the morning! Focus on small, uplifting moments or encouraging behaviors and celebrate the little things! Many people are naturally pessimistic or lean toward negative outlooks in life. This obviously contributes to negativity, increased conflict with others, and more disturbing thoughts.
Practice: To counter the negativity bias, try to deliberately and intentionally notice and hold on to positive things. Learn to savor small, good things. Allow them to sink into your heart and mind. If we just let positive things pass quickly, we tend to regress back toward the negative things.
Practice: Utilize your new skills in practicing gratitude. Focus more every day on little things, such as:
- How good a shower feels
- The first cup of coffee you have in the morning
- The relaxing drive to work
- Wonderful sights, sounds, and smells of nature
- Your pet
- Your loved ones
- Your good friends
- Giving yourself kudos when you accomplish a small part of a more complex behavior you are trying to establish
Making A Gratitude Tree
*Respond in your diary:
–Am I grateful?
–How might it help if I were?
–What are the advantages of keeping a blessings diary?
-What are the disadvantages?
Strategy #7: Strengthen Positive Thoughts Through Words (Mantras, Quotes, Poems, or Prose)
Written words can strengthen positive thoughts and be helpful in reducing negative thoughts. Mantras are highly personalized, and many people use them to help them when they are struggling specifically with their “inner critic.” A positive affirmation about yourself will help when you have a specific or recurrent negative thought. The written word can be incredibly powerful, so let’s learn to use it for a healthy mind.
Practice: Post meaningful messages to yourself in important locations throughout your environment or collect quotes/enjoyable phrases you like and do the same. Some people make a ‘Vision Board,’ which is a digital media representation of your goals and intentions. This can be kept on a tablet or computer where you see it often and where you can update it as things change. Some versions include color codes or checkmarks to remind you when you are on or off track.
Examples of Mantras:
- Today is going to be a great day
- What you practice grows stronger
- Thoughts are just thoughts
- Everything is as it should be
- Perfection is the enemy of good
- I am fine just at this moment; I have nowhere to go, nothing to do.
It’s important to learn to be satisfied with how things are, even when things are not great. Try to accept what is happening and not judge yourself or your thoughts. Shift your perspective to “Everything is going to work out,” “It is what it is,” or “Life does not always go my way,” and practice acceptance of the present moment even when it is difficult.
Physical Items That Help With Thoughts
Having a special charm, a coin, or a small comfort item to hold in order to help you relax and reduce negative thoughts is an effective tool. People with high levels of anxiety often feel much more confident and derive benefit from carrying around a small container with a rescue medication to help if they start to panic—they may never take the medication but knowing it’s there seems to help.
For children, a small item like a teddy bear, snuggly toy, or blanket often helps.
Adults can get the same benefit from holding or touching a small item like a key chain, necklace, or other various comfort items in their pockets or purse. Kids often benefit from having small items to hold when they are away from home. Sometimes believing that an object will help relieve stress or stop you from ruminating will actually help, even if you know it’s a superstitious behavior.
Practice: Brainstorm ideas about an object that could be your lucky charm.
Prayer Beads Help With Focus
Strategy #8: Establish Structure and Positive Routines in Your Life
Sticking to a routine and creating order in your environment can make staying on top of your thoughts more manageable. Chaotic thoughts are more likely to appear when there is chaos in the environment and vice versa. Order will help to keep you mentally and behaviorally on task.
This might include a daily routine of waking up at a certain time, showering, dressing, eating, and getting off to work or into your day in a consistent manner. It might also involve organizing your spaces to contribute to behaviors like studying or meditating and organizing the environment with prompts to support daily activities you want to strengthen.
With all things, your intention is crucial. Thinking about your intentions for the day after you wake up is great, but always allow yourself flexibility when things do not go as scheduled.
Keeping up your routine in more important areas such as nutrition, exercise, sleep, and time for yourself will help you stay on task. Your body will adapt to the routine and learn to anticipate it!
Disclaimer: While there is comfort in routine, it is also important to structure your time so that you deliberately get out of your comfort zone occasionally. This is especially important for people with high levels of anxiety who need to face and deal with their fears of new places or things. As you change up your routine, you might plan ahead and anticipate possible points of difficulty.
Remember—take things one step at a time, make changes that are easy, and celebrate each accomplishment.
We all need to work on various aspects of our health and well-being. Motivation and ability are essential, but they are not enough to bring real change. For permanent change, we need to choose behaviors carefully based on how much we think they will help us and how likely we are to consistently engage in the behavior. Once we select a behavior, either cognitive or overt, we need to build prompts into our environment to cue us when it is time to practice the behavior. Start with a small step that is easy to accomplish and build from there.
Practice: Set aside certain prompts and put them on a sticky note or reminder on your phone to help keep you focused on your intentions.
Write a diary entry about you in the future:
–How should life be if things were how you wish?
–Who would notice, without you even telling them?
–How does that help?
–What is the first small step?
Time Block Planning; A Strategy To Keep You On Track
Strategy #9: Take Breaks from Social Media, TV, or Toxic People
Given that we automatically pay attention to threats and negativity, it’s important to try to reduce negative information that may be blasting at us from social media, television, or toxic people. Try to separate from the stimulation that may take away your inner calm. Avoid highly challenging topics, people, or confrontations that might strengthen negative thoughts that can create stress inside your body or between you and others.
Practice: Set aside a time each day during which you put your phone down or turn off electronics. You are allowed this relief even if it seems like you must be on top of information all the time.
Remember that whatever you are practicing (doing) is always getting stronger. If you are angry, upset, frustrated, or unhappy, that is what you are practicing, and these conditions or states are getting stronger and will be more likely to occur in the future. If you are practicing being at peace, remaining calm, and appreciating the things you have, these thoughts and ideas will strengthen.
Practice: Setting up meaningful routines to practice mindfulness and savor experiences will help you stay on track with a healthy mindset and lifestyle. Engage in helpful activities like educational podcasts, TED talks, music, dance, laughing, daily reminders, journals, notes to self, etc. These can help lead to mindfulness, self-compassion, and strategies for calming and balancing emotions, along with healthy exercise, diet, and sleep. All of these skills work together to help you live out your intentions.
Three Principles of Digital Minimalists: Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism, Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World
1. Clutter is costly. Digital minimalists realize that cluttering their time and attention with too many devices, apps, and services creates an overall negative cost that can swamp the small benefits that each individual item provides in isolation.
2. Optimization is important. Digital minimalists believe that deciding that a particular technology supports something they value is only a first step. To extract its full potential, it is necessary to think carefully about how they will use the technology
3. Intentionality is satisfying. Digital minimalists derive significant satisfaction from their commitment to being more intentional about engaging with new technologies. This source of satisfaction is independent of the specific decisions they make and is one of the biggest reasons that minimalism tends to be immensely meaningful to its practitioners.
Turn Down the Noise and Clutter
Nature is Nurture
Watch this video to help bring nature to wherever you are
Strategy #10: Work To Strengthen Self-Compassion
Developing more self-compassion is a great way to reduce negative self-talk. Self-compassion arises from understanding and accepting that we all struggle with scary, strange, weird, and disturbing thoughts. This is because we are human, flawed, and imperfect—this is our common bond.
Everyone struggles. Suppose we accept this as part of our common humanity without judging ourselves or others. In that case, we can begin to reduce some of the anxiety and negative thoughts we (almost) all have about being imperfect.
Practice: When you make a mistake, be cool with your humanity. Try not to beat yourself up! Say, “I made a mistake; I will try harder.”
Some ways that you can embrace self-compassion are:
• Accepting that you are human and that you are going to make mistakes
• Recognizing your failures and frustrations
• Becoming more aware of your inner critic and challenging negative self-talk
• Developing Mindful Practices
• Practicing Expressive Writing
• Practicing Supportive Touch
Combating Irrational Thoughts and Beliefs
The following list identifies Ten Major Irrational Beliefs and their Rational Counterparts. Notice the differences between the two mindsets. The Rational Belief side concentrates on self-acceptance and on loving others more than on being loved.
Irrational Beliefs
I must have the love or approval of all people I find important.
I must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving.
People who act unfairly are bad, wicked, or rotten individuals.
Things are awful, terrible, and catastrophic when I get seriously frustrated, treated unfairly, or rejected.
Emotional misery comes from external pressures, and I have little ability to control or change my feelings.
If something seems fearsome, I must think about it constantly and be cautious about it.
It is easier to avoid or run away from many life difficulties and responsibilities rather than to be self-disciplined.
My past remains important, and it has to keep determining my feelings and behaviors today.
All things are horrible and awful if I don’t find good solutions to life’s challenging realities.
I can achieve maximum happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively and uncommittedly “enjoying myself.”
Rational Beliefs
It is more advisable to accept myself as an important human being with limitations and fallibilities. It is often better to do that than to do well.
People often behave stupidly and unfairly; it would be better if they were helped to change their ways rather than punished or condemned severely.
Getting involved in long-term interesting tasks and activities will force me to act against my own inertia.
Cognitive therapy is a series of techniques for helping individuals challenge irrational beliefs to improve mental health and well-being.
These distorted perspectives may seem ridiculous, but it is amazing how committed people can become to a particular outlook when it serves their purposes. It is also easy to see the pain and suffering that occurs when people get caught up in unhealthy thoughts or irrational ideas about themselves or others. Thoughts go all over the place, so it’s natural for anyone to have any of these thoughts, but it is a real problem when we can’t detach, let go or look at our thoughts with discernment.
People often behave stupidly and unfairly, it would be better if they were helped to change their ways rather than punished or condemned severely.
Because I contribute to my own emotional upsets, I can change them by thinking more rationally.
Worrying will not make things disappear, I will do my best to deal with potentially stressful events, and when this proves impossible, I will accept the inevitable.
In the long run, the long and undisciplined way is less rewarding than the longer-range approach to pleasure and enjoyment.
Rethinking my old assumptions and reworking my past can reduce the negative influences from my childhood and adolescence.
Whether I like it or not, reality exists, and I should learn to accept its existence before I start changing it.
Restructuring Thoughts
Sometimes, a thought pattern may be deeply ingrained and extremely persistent. Thoughts sometimes arise from deeply embedded memories and emotions that may need to be challenged or restructured. This can be accomplished through therapy such as Cognitive Therapy or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Difficult or persistent thoughts must be brought into consciousness to be understood. This can be emotionally challenging. A therapist can provide much-needed safety, support, and guidance as you explore deeper memories and emotions.
Needing help is normal and healthy. Thoughts can be very confusing; a professional therapist can help you sort through thought problems and find solutions.
What does it mean to Restructure or Reappraise Thoughts?
The idea of cognitive reappraisal is not just challenging irrational thoughts or belief systems. It often involves the discovery of where you are cognitively and how you got there. The person who worries too much gets upset easily or overacts to minor slights and will have more trouble enjoying the lighter side of life.
People who have been through trauma or high stress will naturally see the world differently and will be prone to more serious or less friendly views of the world. These natural responses are often developed because of difficult life experiences or adverse childhood experiences. Unhealthy patterns become a way of thinking or a view of the world that is natural and protective. Unless the person overcomes their view, they continue to practice the more serious negative outlook until it becomes a more fixed viewpoint.
This is not to blame the person for being anxious or negative; they are often victims of negative life experiences. A child might freak out at the 4th of July fireworks, a scary movie, when parents fight, if they are in a car wreck, when they get lost in the grocery store, if they are mistreated at school, or when they are in trouble. All of these experiences will activate the stress response, not to mention far more traumatic experiences that set in motion patterns of thought and automatic reactions that develop into habits of being.
Seeing the world as frightening or unfriendly is a natural pattern that, once understood, can be challenged and corrected by understanding and challenging the way you think. The person can learn to take life less seriously, and in so doing, they become more pro-social, laugh more, smile more, interact differently with others, become more trusting, and begin to see the world as more friendly. They will have less need for negative coping skills like drugs, shopping, overeating, alcohol, or gambling.
Learning to see life from a more positive viewpoint requires courage and a willingness to face and work on your issues and develop healthy practices, including strengthening more positive neural networks in the brain.
For example, highly anxious people often read into or make meaning of events that may be coincidental. This is catastrophizing or overthinking. A person who struggles with anxiety might notice a slight pain in their body, a strange feeling in the stomach, or a slight from a friend. They begin to worry, ‘What does that mean? Something terrible is wrong. I have not been feeling all that well lately. I wonder if something is going on or if I did something wrong; of course, I did something wrong; I am a terrible person, I don’t deserve to be healthy, God must be really upset with me …!!!’ That person becomes miserable because they had a simple ache or pain, or because they were just having a difficult moment. When the same thing happens to someone not prone to anxiety, they might blow it off. “Well, the person who snubbed me is in a mood.” Oh, well, the pain is nothing. I must have slept wrong . . .’ and they go on to think about different things. They don’t make a big deal out of a small irritation. The less anxious person is not driven to interpret or try to make meaning out of the situation; they think realistically, ‘Life is difficult sometimes’ and accept that you can’t know what is happening with others or we all have aches and pains. Either mindset may have a grain of truth, but if you constantly try to interpret or make meaning of things, you feed the anxiety. If you borrow from the non-anxious and ignore the need to figure things out or stop overthinking the situation, you are not likely to react as much. Letting go and not trying to create meaning or overthink situations will reduce fear and arousal. When something happens that triggers a fear reaction, you don’t have to figure out what it means and why it happened. Instead, recognize that you struggle with anxiety and have strong reactions, and then try to let go. Say to yourself, ‘That doesn’t mean anything. I think it does, but I am mistaken; thoughts are just thoughts. It doesn’t mean a thing. It is just a scary feeling, and it will soon pass.’ Become aware of your tendency to make meaning out of scary feelings, and then challenge these thoughts. When you say, ‘I don’t really know what that means,’ ‘It may not mean anything at all. It may just be a random feeling.’ you may feel a little vulnerable or exposed, but over time, you learn to be comfortable with a little discomfort, which is what learning to live with anxiety is all about. So here is a simple challenge: Simply choose to drop the habit of ‘figuring out what things mean.’ Don’t let your mind dwell on that process. Tell yourself, “It doesn’t help to think about that.” After you try this for a few weeks, if you are more scared than ever, then you can go back to trying to figure out what everything means.
Examples of the paradox between acceptance and reframing:
This is a challenge, AND There are benefits to this
What can I still do? Vs. What have I lost?
How can I help? Vs. Why don’t people help me more?
What can I learn? Vs. I am useless.
What will tomorrow bring? Vs. I think only of the past.
Managing Biases
Growing From Biases:
The moment we start interpreting what we are seeing, we start placing things in categories and generalizing to help us digest all the information before us. That is when our biases start.
That is the moment we need to awaken to our thoughts and analyze what our brain is doing.
Look at the thought. Where is this thought coming from? Does that really belong in that category, or could there be another way to see this that is also true or more accurate? Have I had this thought before, and did my action with it result in a positive or negative outcome?
Where we direct our attention is also created from biases. In neuroscience, we learn three main areas that pull our attention. Those are familiarity, salience, and our own goal(s) (Jha 2021). This means we are drawn to what we know and understand, things we naturally like, or what helps us with our needs.
This makes sense, but we often eliminate so many options for ourselves that could be great if we had not categorized and generalized too quickly!
Countering Biases:
The first way we can counter our biases is to pause before every decision we make and ask ourselves if we are sure our thought is true.
That may sound tedious, but it’s easier than it sounds.
Make sure you are not making a decision out of fear or some other emotion that is influencing your thoughts. This is the biggest reason we have bias issues in the first place. Fear or intense emotions immediately move us into a mindset of “us against them,” and the moment we do that, we lose objectivity.
So, you have a thought. Let’s look at it—where is this thought coming from? Have you had this thought before, and did your action with it result in a positive or negative outcome?
You can let this thought slip this time, too, or you can realize that the only way to move in a positive direction with this is to awaken to your thoughts, question them, and take action in a way that is kind and considerate of everyone around you, including yourself.
Keep asking yourself if your thought is true, and you’ll begin to reduce the harm caused by your biases.
Our biases against each other are painful, hurtful, and unhelpful. We all want to be accepted. In this way, we are all truly and completely alike. That is the root of community and connection. This doesn’t mean you like everything someone does or says, but rather you can disagree while still being accepting of them and acknowledging their point of view.
Empathy and Biases:
Empathy can be defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
If you do not have empathy for someone, you probably haven’t learned enough about them. You must put yourself in someone’s shoes before you can understand and relate to them. Challenge your biases by asking questions and finding out about others. If they refuse to tell you things, then there is probably a reason for that, too—imagine that they must be going through something. Assume the person is suffering because they probably are; we all do. This is how you learn to be more empathetic.
Once you have developed your ability to have some empathy, you’ll connect better with others, release some of your hurt and anger, and grow a deeper understanding of our world. You’ll begin seeing it more clearly than before.
Consider doing a Loving Kindness Meditation regularly. This is for you and others. This meditation works by building a doorway in your heart for empathy, which is the path towards fewer biases and more connection.
Biases in the workplace:
When you’re going to go into a situation where your biases may come out—for this instance, let’s say a work meeting—and you want to do something to make sure your biases don’t get in the way, you might try a Loving Kindness Meditation before you attend the meeting. This gets you into a more open and receptive mindset.
During the meeting, check yourself and try to make yourself aware of any bias you are bringing into the conversation. If you hear others’ biases, make the room aware of those biases and work together to eliminate them so good work can be done in the meeting!
Biases about Places:
Another example might be choosing where to shop or live. You may rule out a location because you feel it is in a “dying end of town.” It takes a person looking at the situation differently to see the area as a place with potential that can be revitalized and turn it to a place of growth once again, or maybe there are already great folks and stores there that you wouldn’t know about unless you took the time to explore the area.
Developing a Growth Mindset
Your child plays in a soccer game, and they become distracted and play poorly. The team loses the game. Your child is upset and says they don't want to play anymore because they're not good at soccer. As a parent, you might…
Tell them you thought they really played well, and they're just being too hard on themselves.
Tell them how they play soccer is not all that important, and hopefully, they will have a better game next time.
Tell them the other kids really didn't play all that well either, or point out someone else's fault, i.e., the referees did not call the game fairly.
Tell them they didn't play that well, but you're proud of them for trying, and if they keep trying, they will get better.
Let's think about the different choices here. For Option 1, saying you think they played well is basically insincere—they know they didn't play well, and this offers no recipe for how to improve. Option 2: saying that soccer doesn't matter teaches your child to devalue something if they don't do well. Option 3 teaches your child to blame others and to look down on them.
Option 4 is obviously the best route here. If this is something they really want, then it's something they will have to work for. If this is important, you might agree to give your child some extra help. There likely are many kids who have been playing for longer and have worked a lot harder.
This is an example of how these mindsets become ingrained into our thinking, and once they become established, they continue to exert a powerful impact on how we live our lives.
