Dr. Neff has studied the differences between self-compassion and self-esteem or self-confidence. She has pointed out that to enhance self-esteem, we tend to compare or judge ourselves and others. We like to build ourselves up by thinking we are more intelligent, better, more talented, or more capable in some way than others. Self-compassion has many advantages over self-esteem. When we practice self-compassion, we don’t have to feel better than anyone else to feel good about ourselves. We can feel compassion for ourselves because every human deserves compassion and understanding. When we develop self-compassion, we can love ourselves and not react defensively when we make a mistake, are challenged, or aren’t feeling love from others. Self-compassion is about remembering: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE WORTHY. You’re allowed to be imperfect and to love yourself anyway. Some of the benefits of practicing self-compassion are:
Benefits of Self-Compassion:
• More willing to be vulnerable and to own up to mistakes
• More straightforward, accept criticism and work on weaknesses
• Better able to empathize with others
• Be more caring and supportive of partners
Self-compassion doesn't pressure us to be superhuman. It allows us to better respond to feedback and criticism. We’re also much more likely to take a chance and risk being wrong if we believe that mistakes are part of being human.
Dr. Carol Dweck has researched how mindsets increase willingness to take risks or try new things. She describes a fixed mindset as “attaching one’s sense of worth to fixed accomplishments such as academic scores, trophies, or accomplishments.”
With a fixed mindset, people believe their abilities and intelligence are innate traits and, therefore, cannot change. They think that talent alone leads to success and that effort is not required.
The attitudes of mindfulness stand in opposition to distorted thought patterns. They oppose the mindset of unhealthy thought practices such as holding on, non-acceptance, judging, labeling, non-trusting, or always needing more. Unhelpful attitudes filter what we see and prevent us from noticing the beauty around us and what is true or accurate.